My idea is that when we want to learn a foreign language it is better that (to be) in a (the) country that spoken with same language (in which it is spoken) because we can make relation (connection) with that language and it cause (help) we (us) learn that language so soon ,but in own(our) country we must speak with  another language and learn a foreign language .So it is better that we go to a foreign country and than learn their language.

 

Dear fahime

Your paragraph has a topic sentence ,which is very good .I liked they may you have provided support and details for your view point .Just keep in mind that you can not have more detail .In addition ,remember that you do not need to much and connect your sentence divide them our use connectors.