Topic of the fourth week discussion

Dear Girls,

Here is the fourth topic. I am eagerly waiting to read your paragraphs.

An English professor wrote the words: "A woman without her man is nothing"

 

on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly.

 

All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing."

 

All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing."

 

What does this story show? You have one week's time to post your paragraphs. The deadline will be the midnight of Thursday (next week). Please do not write your posts in white, because I am going to change the background.

 

Best,

Nami

 

 

IN THE NAME OF GOD

.....NOROUZ

The last norouz was one of the best norouz in my life, because I got married and I was with my

.fiancé on that tide

(do not separate your sentences in one paragraph) We went to Mashhad.  

Thirteen to door was very well, (???? I didn't get your point here) and it was remains in my fiancé’s and my memory

ZAHRA IJAD

Delayed

Dear Zahra,

You need to provide more details about why it will remains in your memory. I expected a more detailed paragraph . In addition, you have separated your sentences in separate lines? Why? Please, pay attention to these points in your later posts and be ontime.

Best,

Nami  

 

معرفی نامه

   محدثه صالحی

  i am mohadese salehi  i was bron in 1993  i from tehran   i am student my university alzahra and my educational degree is B.A my favourite sports are valiball and basketball.  I have one brother he is 20 years old  he is a computer programmer

جنگ میان مذاهب

in the name of god

why human fights? isn’t religion enough for stoping conflict??

why conflicts happn?the reason for conflicts are diffrant for example the weath (you mean wealth?)

religion is agaist fight axcept in a situation that iths talking about right or false religion (where is your full stop? )

can not be xilent about it.

because silence against crvelty is not the sighn of innocence,it shows timidity.people don’t

like war.moust of the wars were started bysome cruel people as religion.ifyou dowhatever (what do you mean?)

سمانه میرزای

Delayed

 Dear Samaneh,

Unfortunately, your writing is full of misspellings (dictation) problems that makes it difficult to follow the main points. In addition, you have not paid any attention to the fact that English sentences must begin with a capital letter. The sentences are also separated from one another. Why? I expect to see improvements in your later post. Do not forget to be ontime.

Best,

Nami

جنگ میان مذاهب

in the name of god

do people couse war and accqot it of some gavrners make conflict for their policy (The sentence is full of misspellings and has a Farsi strucutre)

• the reasons for conflicts are different for example the weath (????)ofonecountryhuman (?????) force ,oil or even source of waterbut  religion is against fight axcept in a situation that it is talking about rigth or fals e(محدثه صالحی

 

Delayed

Dear Mohadeseh,

There are so many misspelling . In some parts you have connected the words to one another without any space. The only sentence in the body does not begin with a capital letter. Also, the paragraph does not provide any justifications or reasons for its topic. I expect you pay attention to these problems in your later posts. Do not forget to be ontime.

Best,

Nami

مطلب شماره 1

سمیرا کوتانی

In the name of God the most compassionate

this is samira koutani.i was born in 1991.I am  a university student.My major is biology.

 I live with my parents.I have 3 brothers and two sisters.I like music and I want to learn it.

                    .and play it.I want to continue my education and i want to get PHD in biology

samira koutani

مطلب شماره 1

سمانه میرزائی

     IN THE NAME OF GOD

I am Samane mirzaei.I was born in 1992.I am from tehran.I am a student,my university is Alzahra and my educational degree is B.A and my field is biology.I like my field and I want to countinue it.my favourite sports are basketball & swimming.I have 1 brother,he is 12 years old.my father is a worker and my mother is a housewife

سمیرا کوتانی مطلب شماره 2

religion and war

Religion war causes destruction of globe.nowadays governments misuse the religion to entertain people in order to achieve their main goals.a day will come that people destroy each other for the best religion while the best religion is peace-seeker.

All religions are against war but follower of religion aspire war for example judiasm religion is against war but jewishes are fighting regularly for seeking more power in the world.

The goal of all religions is fraternity.

 

Delayed

Dear Samira,

if you use other sources, you must mention the name of the writer and put the sentences in "". It seems to me that most of these sentences are taken from some one elses writing. I want you to write and express yourself.

 

best,

Nami

Soheyla hamidi

Getting married

When I make a quick glance at my career and life  , I come to the conclusion that getting married with the one I love is the most satisfying and the happiest event that happened to me. It is very satisfying  ,  because it has had some benefits to me . First of all of am released with the sadness (Farsi, I could free myself from the sad feeling) I was suffering from being away from my husband. second , I’ve become very motivated so that I can think and decide well .Third ,we are living in our dream house . And finally , I’ve become independent from my family , specially my parents , (.)I think the sense of independence is one the necessary and important things that we’re all searching for. I got married on the 24 th of Esfand which was the good start for a new life and a new year .

My dear Soheyla,

I have two congratulations for you. One of them is for your marriage  and the second one is for the structure of your writing. I can claim that it was one of the best writings about this topic mainly because you have arranged your supports and details in an order and have presented them logically to your reader. That is why the reader will get satisfaction from what s/he will read. Excellent !

Best,

Nami

 

Every body has a lot of important things in his or her life and sure one of them is the best and maybe one of them is the worst.(Farsi)There were a lot of things in my life in 1390 but one of the most important things was when I passed exit exam and came to uni.

 

MARYAM NAVAEIYAN

Dear Maryam,

you have only provided one topic sentence, but where are your supports and details? The reason behind writing in the blog is improving our understanding of English writing in general and paragraph structure in particular. I expect to see these details in your writings. I hope you take this into consideration in your later posts.

Best,

Nami

yasaman miyanmahaleh

If you make a quick review of the past year (1390) which of the actions you did and/or events happended to you most satisfied you? Why?

I think "1390" didn’t  have any thing to satisfy me. Passing konkor exam 'university entrance exam "was the most important event in 1390,but the results didn’t satisfy me too because it was the reason of that my twin sister and I are separated now and university didn’t have any thing like I imagined .but since I belive  that looking at the positive points in life brings more positive events ,I  prefer  to remember the sweet  events in 1390 like making  friendship with Motahare , Rahele and Golnaz whom I love very much and are very kind and sweet.

At the end I wish u nice events in 1391.

yasaman miyanmahaleh

My dear Yasaman,

These friendships are the things that will remain for us. So if you couldn't find satisfaction in the university in which you are accepted, at least you can be proud of your friends. Your writing was sweet, the same way your friends are . I did not find any serious problems in it and this made me glad. I would be also glad if I can read your longer paragraphs written for the next topics.

Hugs,

Nami

Raheleh asadolahpour

in the name of God

hi dear teacher

The most important event in the last year

my brother`s child was borned in 27th of esfand,1390.My brother`s child is a lovely girl ,she is so sweet baby.I love her so much but it`s so painful for me that i can`t visit and kiss her every day.My brother and his wife are so happy for this beautiful angel that God has gave given to them.I think it is the best and most important event in the last year for me. 

Dear Raheleh,

So you are an aunt now. It must be really interesting . Babies are so sweet, that we want to spend all of our time with them except for those times that they keep crying or one has to change thier nappies . Your paragraph was well-written. Just do not forget to begin your sentences with a capital letter. I am waiting to read your longer paragraphs.

Best,

Nami

fatemeh siyahvashi

 

Hello my dear friends

 

 

happy new year

 

 

 

In the last year(1390) , i  was accepted at university universities'entrance exam .I went to alzahra university . I was accepted in my favourite major . My major is Biotechnology .  I always dreamed to become a Biotechnologyst . This event is  the most important event of all

I have a better life because I got my wish .I'm always thanks thankful to God god for this great gift.

 

My dear Fatemeh,

Happy New Year ! Nothing is more satisfying than reaching our dreams. I am glad to hear that you have achieved yours. The writing was a good one. I liked the way you had added details. I think it can become even better if you pay attention to a few problems which I have highlighted. The most important one is about using capital letters at the beginning of your sentences. In addition, when there are proper nouns in your sentence, you must do the same.

Best,

Nami  

 

Afrouz Khalili

In the name of GOD

Happy New Year

The most important events in the last year (1390)

The most important event that happened in the last year for me is my ratification in university because I come to a new level of my life that it builds my future and my job. Fortunately I was pleased with my subject major and my university.

The other most important event for me and for my family (for my family and I) is related to the university but it is about leaving my town and coming to Tehran and also living in dormitory.

(Attach it to the previous sentence. They are about the same topic so they must form one paragraph) Living in dormitory is a different experience in my life because I live with persons who are from different places and also different cultures.

Totally the last year was one of my best years until now and I thank my GOD for all of these events and I wish this New Year will be excellent for every one especially for you.

My dear Afrouz,

Thank you ! I have the same best wishes for you. Similar to your previous writings, I found this one also well-written. I like the way you pay attention to the use of prepositions and articles. This is one of the points of strength in your writing. I think you could have added more details to your second paragraph in which you talk about different cultures in dormitory. Generally speaking, I did not find serious problems. Well done my dear girl. I am eagerly waiting to read your next post.

Hugs,

Nami

sara jomeiri

First of all I should excuse you for my delay; I hadnt noticed the new topic, because of my busy days in the last month.

I hope you have had nice days during nowruz holiday.

Last year was a very busy hard, and stressful year for me; First because of the entrance exam and then for living apart from my family for the first time, except for the wonderful trip I and my family (my family and I) had to Mecca. I realy enjoyed our trip and it was a gift sent by God for me. I hope you and all the muslims around the world will have this chance during the newly-started year.

 My dear Sarah,

I found the paragraph really well-writen. Well done ! There were not serious problems in the paragraph except for the fact that sometimes some of your sentences become so long; like the first sentence of your paragraph. You can break them down into shorter peices. But generally speaking, it was really good.

Best,

Nami

hi teacher

(I) congratulate the noroz.i hope that the new year be a nice year for you.

last year was very good for me .during last year which has been already finished the most exciting news (There is no verb for your subject so it cannot stand as a sentence: the most exciting event that happened to me was that...) .i've heard was my university entrance exam theat (????).i could pass it.i was accepted in alzahra  university and  i happened good events too such as i accepted in tehran university.

zahra naderi

My dear Zahra,

I hope you have nice year . Your sentences do not begin with a capital letter why?In addition, the names such as Alzahra must also be written with a capital letter. Another problem in this writing relates to the struture of the sentences some of which appear to be Farsi and do not contain any verbs. You must always keep in mind that in English, verbs immidiately follow the subjects.

Best,

Nami

Fatemeh Aghaie doost

Hi!
I Congratulate the Norouz .i hope that the new year be a nice year for all of us and the beginning of the change.
LAST YEAR (1390)
I think each year can be good . it depends to (depends on) us that how we solve the problems.but some times problems are very hard . in this situation we should use the experiences of some people that have a information about the problem.
Last year was not very good for me.i experienced bad events.but happened good events too such as i was accepted in university in tehran.and found good friends .
fateme aghaie doost

 

My dear Fatemeh,

Happy New Year ! The writing was well written and I appritiate your attempt in adding details to your topic. Very good! There are still some problems to which you do not pay attention. One of the msot important one is that you do not begin your sentences with a capital letter. If you do away with it, I think your writing will become even more persuasive.

Best,

Nami

Last year

IN THE NAME OF GOD

 I had many good and bad times in last year(1390),but on the whole I think it was a good year.Finding new friends,living in a new city,buying a house,borning my cousin are some good events in last year.Also bad events happended in last year.My father crashed and hurted (my father had an accident and was injured),my little sister was sick hardly and I got very bad mark in one my lesson.But the best event was wedding my sister (Farsi, My sister's wedding or marriage).I was happy and unhappy too.I was unhappy because we were separated andI was happy because she made a new life and she was happy.I hope she will be prosperous and successful in her life.In the end I congratulate Norouz and have best wishes for you.

BEHNAZ MIR_ELMI

My dear Behnaz,

I have the same best wishes for you . I liked this post because of the details you had provided for supporting your idea. It is very good. I have also highlighted some of the problems. They are not very serious and mostly there are related to the word order. Have a look over them.

Hugs,

Nami  

mohadese salehi

hi

this year was really good for me because some good events happened for me like:

my family and i travelled to karbala.travelling to karbala was one of my greatest wishes.

.the other good event which satisfied me was being accepted in university 

My dear Mohadeseh,

you need to add more details and supports to your topic sentence, if you want to have a persuasive paragraph. This seems to be too short and brief. In addition, none of your sentences began with a capital letter . I am expceting to read you next points with your special attention to these problems.

Best,

Nami

samaneh mirzaei

hi

tne (???) best event was being accepted in alzahra university because i liked to be accepted in tehran university and not to be so far from my family.

and as you know that alzahra university is in tehran and it is a govermental university this made me satisfied.this was the best event for my family and i in 1390. 

My dear Samaneh,

Your paragraph contains three sentences which are separated. In addition, none of the sentences have begun with a capital letter and I saw that the names are also written in small letters . There was also a spelling problem. If you want to improve your writing ability you must pay attention to these points. In addition, you need to bring more details in your paragraph to make it attractive and appealing.

Best,

Nami

Harvard Uni

IN THE NAME OF GOD

FOREIGN STUDENTS IN HIGHER EDUCATION

harvard university is very grand place and armed.it takes world first score in all of the universities.ithas laws like :students can be absent just two times for each lecture and there are  specific times for answering student question and there is no student cant cash their reply.police patrol with bike around the university ambite that if happen danger accident for students,they help them fastly.there ae many facilities for students like:a big resturant,huge park and gymkhana.there are many differ field in gymkhana like:football,running waterpollo,canoe and horse.the students get very medals in these fields therwith it has a big librarywith 15 million books.it has 10 academics,there are 2000 in each one.harvard universities had 40 sucssesful postgraduates took  noble prizz in 2006 as viliam morfi,maikel spens 

MAHBOOBEH MOQADASI  

Thanks for the information about Harvard. About your summary, if you haven't handed it in paper, do it so.

Best,

Nami

 

ادامه نوشته

last year

 Hi   Professor!

I wish have good year for you,and i sorry for my lateness because I was in the travel (Farsi: I was on a trip) and this place did not have internet .

1390 year (year is not needed, again it is Farsi) was relatively good. My opinion In my opinion,i accepted my being accepted in the konkur exam is best event in this year. summer 90 (The summer of 1390) was boring and with stress because a had a konkur exam. I did not have special or interesting  events in this year, but going in to the campus for the first time and getting a new friends was a good experience. However , every year has a lot of good and bad events,of course being healthy and not sick always required having a good year.

(mina farahani)

 

Dear Mina,

 

The writing is good in general, but there are some parts that need your careful attention. First of all, I think, in some of the sentences you have a Farsi structure. In addition you must write the word I in capital letter. If you pay attention to these points, your writing will improve considerably.

 

Hugs,

Nami

in past year which of the actions happened for me

IN THE NAME OF GOD

hello dear professor

1. In last year i had good and bad times.bad times:(the bad events that happened to me:) i must to take exit exam and i studied very
2. hard and i was tired since times were too stressful and board.(boring) after exam i was sad because i took exam rather bad but i was happy since all were tested evermore and i could sleep very much,i had amusement and wherever i would like to go.(an I could go wherever I wanted) good times: in the 20th of shahrivar my exams result came and i was accepted in biology field in alzahra university and in same day came for me suitor. (Farsi ) finally in 17th of mehr i was engaged with my cousin so we have good mood (??? I didn't get your point here) together

MAHBOOBEH MOQADASI

Dear Mahboobeh,

Some parts of your writing have a Farsi structure. It seems that you first think in Farsi and then translate your thoughts into English. This is problematic. In addition almost all of the sentences began without a captial letter. Have a look at the problems which are highlighted.

Hugs,

Nami

mina masoudi

 

Sorry my latness I was in travel.(The sentence has a Farsi structure. I am sure you have translated it from Farsi. In English the statements begin with a subject. So you must say: I am sorry for my being late). but about this topic the event happened to I (me) and it was very good, in the last year was that I went to mashhad for 26 days and it was very good because it was very long and I went with my friend for study topic about eslam .they were happy days for me.

 My dear Mina,

One of the major points that comes to my mind about your writing is that the sentences appear to have Farsi structure. This problem can be solved if you pay attention to this fact that at the beginning you must always have a subject. Do not think in Farsi when you are writing in English. In addition, the first letter at the beginning of the sentence must be in capital letters. I am eagerl waiting to read your next post .

Best,

Nami

the best event in 1390 which satisfied me.

hi

sorry for my lateness (delay) because i was in travel (in travel is Farsi, you must say I was on a trip or I was travelling) and i couldn't send my topic to you for not having internet(. Do not forget full stop at the end of your sentences)

the best event that satisfied me was being  accepted in university entrance examination in 1390.

because alzahra is one of the greatest and famous university in middle east (the Middle East)and this university is special for girls.

   and the major which i have been accepted i  love it (Again it sounds Farsi: I like the major in which I have been accepted) because i had  background about my major in high school and hope i'll be successful in my major with trust of GOD.

happy new yearwith the best wishes for you (Samira Kutai)

My Dear Samira,

I have the same best wishes for you in this new year. Some parts of the writing were very nicely written and some parts had Farsi structure. I have highlighted them. Also, do not forget to use punctuation and full stops in your sentences. Another important point is that you must always begin your sentences with a capital letter. In addition, when you are writing a paragraph the sentences must not be separated from one another in different lines.

Hugs,

Nami

Narges Aghakhani

Hi everybody

Frist of oll I have good wishes for all of the people. 

Last year with all of the events went (This is Farsi, in English you must say last year passed). Each year has good or bad events .In the end of year  I always think about that(.) Do not forget full stop  in last year how do I use my time and I appraisal my activites .Last year I take part (took part) in a college entrance examination so that (which) was an exciting happening for me .All the years are beautiful if we want  to spend our time ........(How?)

Narges Aghakhani 

Dear Narges,

I am glad to see that you pay attention to the points introduced in the class about the topic sentences and use of details . The writing appeared interesting but there were also a few problems. Some were related to the spellings of the words and some other were about your use of verbs. Do not forget that if you are reporting a past event, you need to use past tense in your verbs.

Best,

 Nami 

Reyhaneh Ardestani

Hello dear professor and classmates. Happy new year

I think last year was a good year for me(.) alot of beautiful events happened to me but I (was)satisfied few of them.one of the most satisfing action for me was accepting (being accepted)  in Alzahra university. At first I hated it but after 2 or 3 month I became grateful of my god. It's very good that this university is female university. Anothre best action that happened to me was, not accepting me in pharmacy (that I was not accepted in the field of medicine). When I studied for entrance exam I want pharmacy very very much but when I studied chemistry first term in my major I hated it and pharmacy has alot of chemistry. well all of the actions happened to me was good and ful of wisthom and I didn't know. I realize or identify myself last year.                 bye bye now

My dear Reyhaneh,

nice to meet you in the weblog in this new year . I am glad to see that you use the experiences that happen to you for learning more and identifying yourself. I found your paragraph interesting because of the supports you have provided for your topic. That is very good . I have highlighted some of the problems in red. Read them and try to detect the problem.

Hugs,

Nami 

When Did I had been proud of myself

The last year that I lived was a very hard year and I can say that it was the worst year of my life till now. I didn't have much happiness nor so much excitement but in very few moments that helped me enough to pass this year without being broken or distrusting myself.

But I shouldn't deny that there was (were) some moments that I really had been proud of myself and I don't think I'll forget these moments for the rest of my life. (I think it would be better to connect the next paragraph to this one as the sentences seem to support your topic in this paragraph.)

One of the most things that made me satisfied was the day I proved myself in front of someone who was very important for me and showed him that he underestimated me a lot and I'm not somebody who is easy to be dealt with.

The other time that made me proud of myself was all my trying to throw away the depression which was made for me and also my fighting to raise my head against the world again with a brave smile and let the time go by to wash away all of my bad memories.

The last year maybe was a horrible day but I'm sure that this year will bring out new surprises for me and it would be happier than the former year. And I say a happy noruz to everyone and hope you achieve success and the smile never leaves your face.  

 Sabokrooh

 My dear girl,

 All I see here is the power of words and an art of narration . So in spite of all that might have happened to you and hurt you, I believe, you must be proud of yourself in this regard. That you can express yourself so artfully in words is nothing but a talent not everyone has. I will cross my fingers and wish you and all of the students in Iran a very happy year full of success.

Hugs and kisses ,

Nami

fateme mohamad hashemi

the last year for me

In 90 years I was very good for 90 years (1390 was a very good year) so I figure I eat for my future Badrs stress reading and I started the first 3 months I spent with these exams were held to prepare the exam was well spent. The exam for the Do not waste my time (for the exam, I did not waste my time) I went to aerobics in the gym after a short time I was offered a job. Academic counseling for the first Olympiad in the high school level. I was working for 2 months and I finally answered my concerns less (and my stress decreased) the final exam was announced (and the results of the universities entrance exam was announced) and I was accepted.I came and met with many university students who are now my close friends. I was reading the rest of the year. I hope in 90 years was a very good year for all of 91 years ago is much better....

 

My dear Fatemeh, 

I am glad to see that the past year has been a good one for you  and I hope that this success will continue in the next year too. Now about your writing: I found that you have connected so many short sentences to one another and made one sentence. But you have not used punctuation. I suggest you to use conjuctives and adjuncts more for connecting the sentences. In addition, I have highlighted some of the problems in red. I believe you still think and write some parts of your writing in Persian. Try to follow the structure of English sentences. For example, always begin your sentence with a subject and immidiately bring your verb. 

Hugs,

Nami  

Safa Tartifizade

In the name of Allah

!Hello, congratulation because of newyear (the New Year)

...Life is the moments that we wanted to finish them. Last year was full of these moments

Actually I couldn’t understand when 1391 year began because I was studying for exit exam, although we spent nice days in our school...

At least became konkoor’s day with a lot of stress. I don’t know how I answered the questions!!!

Everything matched with each other like a puzzle until I became a member of Alzahra University. Now I am very happy about it. I found many best friends in the university.

...But there were some bad events for my family

Some days after konkoor, my father went to ICU because of heart stroke. We spent stressful days.and after 4 months my mother went to hospital too...

But fortunately now they are healthy and near me. I hope this year be good

…Have a nice year…

My dear Safa,

you have spent a bumpy year, but thanks to God that it has ended well. I wnat to make the same wish for you: Have a very nice year ! I think you have the power to express yourself in English. Yet there is one problem. Why do you separate your sentences from one another. Write them one after another. This way you can have a very well structured paragraph.

Hugs,

Nami