FATEME KHALEGHI

I think I love to live in germany(.) I love the german dresses,and also the culture.

I THINK THEY ARE SO STRONG PEOPLE IN DIFFERENT SITUATIONS, Ireally want to know what kind of people are them ,I want to undrestand the differents between hitler and german people.

Dear Fatemeh,

Too short!! You have a good command of English so why do you write so short? You need to bring details and reasons to support your idea. In addition, remember that you cannot separate your sentences in different lines when you are writing a paragraph. At the end of your sentences use “.” . There are also some misspellings which I have highlighted. Take this into consideration in your next writing.

Yours,

Nami

 

zeinab karami

If I COULD GO TO A COUNTRY i WOULD CHOOSE CHINA, because I think this country is historical, (.) I love to see the soldiers and the great wall in china , I think chinese people are different people ,they are so seriouse about their life.

My dear Zeinab,

You have started very nicely and the supports were relevant. I think if you add more details, you paragraph will become perfect. It was very good but very short. The main problem was that you overuse comma “,”. At the end of the sentence you need a full stop “.” not a “,” . Also, remember that names of people, countries, and cities begin with a capital letter. I will be waiting to read a more detailed paragraph from you.

Best,

Nami

 

FREE TICKET(ASAL IMANY

If Ihave aticketfor triping Ichoose FRANCEto go.

FRANCE hase been the world,s most popular tourist destinatin for over 20years(81.9million in2007)and it,s geographically one of the most diverse countries in Europe.It,s cities contain some of the greatest treasures Europe, Its countryside is prosperous and well tended and it bousts dozens of major tourist attractions, like paris, the FRENCH RIVIERA,the ATLANTICbeaches the winter sport resorts of the FRENCH ALPS,theCASTLES OF THE LOIRE VALLY/BRITTANY and NORMANDY.BAY....

My dear Girl,

I prefer to read your own sentences and wordings. This paragraph does not seem to be one. In addition, it is only about France. There is no information helping me understand why you want to visit there or what special about France.

Yours,

Nami

 

reihane sohrab

successful girl

If I have a ticket like this ,I would go to venice in Italy. this city is so beautiful, a water city with boats ,a city with historical paintings(.) I love to see ST MARK,S SQUARE .I think the best way to for traveling in this city is on foot and I love walking................

My dear Reyhaneh,

You have selected a very nice country to visit. I am also interested in its culture and history ;). However, it was too short :( Why? You write nicely and with good structure. SO why don’t you add more details and supports to your text? There were no serious problems in the text except for the fact that the name of the cities like “Venice” must start with a capital letter. I am waiting to read a more detailed paragraph from you.

Best,

Nami

 

asma shakuri

A TICKET FOR A WEAK!!!!!!!! week

A ticket full of dreams ,full of exciting things, Ithink france is the best place for going.... ???

I love france, paris,b ecause bIts for lovers!!!!!,I really love to see eifel tower, madame tussaud,s museum(wax model museum).....

 

My dear Asma,

 

Your paragraph has only one topic and one support. If it is so exiting, why wouldn’t you provide more details? In addition, none of the names had capital letters. There were also some misspellings. I expect more of you. I hope to read a more improved paragraph in your next writing.

 

Yours,

Nami

sahar nazary

If I have won a ticket

If I have won a ticket I would go to see the moon or mars (where is your full stop?) It’s a dream for me to have space exploration,I love to walk on the moon.

I think Its (it’s) so exciting to be on the earth,s upper outer atmosphere. I think Its so expensive but Its a dream for me.

In my opinion space is beyond this vehicle world ,full of silence, beauty,....I think Its a wonderful time to see earth from there.

My dear Sahar,

 Nice idea! But it was too short. You need to be more detailed. Also, you have separated your sentences. Why? I have told you not to separate the sentences in a paragraph. Unfortunately, some of your sentences did not have punctuation patterns. I want to read your more detailed paragraphs. Please take these points into consideration.

Best,

Nami

 

travel

In the name of God

If I have a free ticket I just go to Karbala because of the real name for this place is paradise. (Do not forget to use the punctuation patterns.)

If anyone goes to this holy place will be surely attract interested in.

I went there 2 years ago in nimeshaban the 15th of Sa’ban and that day was the best day of my life.

One of my greatest desires is to go back to that place.

Inshallah All lovers are willing to go there

  teacher I am so so so sarry really sorry for I be late

zahra medipour

My dear Zahra,

You have expressed yourself interestingly. But unfortunately there were no punctuation devices. Why? In addition, you have separated your sentences. As I have said several times, sentences in a paragraph cannot be separated. I think you could have added more details to support your idea. It was too short. I expect you pay more attention to these issues in your next writing.

Best,

Nami

 

maryam sadat tahaii

In the name of God of Hussein

Greetings from God To everyone crying for Hussain.

If  I have one ticket for a week for to go anywhere that is free or not free; I would go to the karbala surely, ;because I do not like anything in the world like this; I go to anywhere but No place like here . I went to karbala for two weeks ; one more (???) at last Arbaeen day and one more at half Shaaban mounth but I like God help me that I go there every week.

I think that every preson that went to the karbala understand what I say...!! (Farsi, you might say: I think only those who have visited Karbala will understand what I say.)

My dear God bring me there please...

 

 

My dear teacher  thank you very much!

have a good time in Moharam mounth!

My Dear Maryam Sadat,

Inshallah, one day your dream becomes true. Thank you dear! It was a generally good paragraph. I think you could have added more details. For example, you could talk about the atmosphere of the place or the culture or the history of the place. In addition, do not forget that at the end of your sentences you need a “.” rather than “;”. Some of your phrases had a Farsi structure. Do not translate your thoughts into English. First change the structure and then write it. An English sentence begins with a subject and is immediately followed with a verb.

Best,

Nami

 

ریحانه رجب پور

If I had a free ticket, I want to would have visited karbala because the largest event in the world of Islam (Ashoura) accurred there. aur third Imam of shites have heen baried in this land. I see the place close to the scene of Ashoura and I go the retorisit the grave ??? and honorable. 

My dear Reyhaneh,

It is too short! You need more details and supports. There are so many misspelled words in your paragraph. Remember that even if you have good English but your sentences contain misspelled words your reader will not understand your points. Be careful in your word choice.

Best,

Nami

 

Farzaneh Sadat Razavi

In The Name Of God

My favorite place

I love England and I love to visit London because of 4 reasons                            

1-My favorite actor Went-Worth Miller was born there. 2-The famous bell tower Big Ben is there. 3-There is an beautiful islannd          There has a pleasant weather

My dear Farzaneh,

It looks like a question and answer rather than a paragraph. You have a good command of English but you have not written what is called a paragraph. Why? I have told you to avoid listing. Suppose this was your final exam writing question. If you write this way, you cannot gain the score. I expect to read details and supports arranged in a paragraph. Pay attention to these points in your next writing.

Best,

Nami

 

sheida sadri

HELLO

.If i had a ticket i went would visit to karbala. Mourning for the Imam HUSSEIN and his pilgrimage at this time (What? incomplete sentence)

---

Another reason for me to go to Karbala to calm emotional and mental After a year of studying  and being away from spiritual and Self Storage and of course, escape the crowds and  problems in the world today...I Close covenant with him and I will enter him in a way that. (This is a run on sentence. A run on sentence has different sentences together without enough verbs and punctuation patterns :( You might say: Another reason for my interest in Karbala is its spiritual atmosphere. I want to be away from the busy modern life for a while).  

---

It is an suitable opportunity...Thank you, it was a good trip

My dear Sheida,

Nice idea! But the sentences were not very supportive. I found only two supporting sentences one of them was very long and the other one separated in another line. You need to be more specific in writing a paragraph. It seems that you translate your thoughts from Farsi to English. Avoid doing that. English sentences have special structure different from Farsi ones. Keep these points into consideration while writing your next paragraph.

Best,

Nami

Zahra Tafreshi Rad

Canada is my favorite country, because I heard that this country has many beautiful places, like: Niagara Fall, Butchart Garden, Casa loma Castle, and... etc. . The governance system in Canada is kingdom, and it's very exited exciting for me to visit the Kingdom country.

Unfortunately, my ticket is just for a week and I can see a few places. But, it's enough for me that I can travel to this country.

My dear Zahra,

You have a good command of English and your sentences are well written. I am wondering why it is so short. You could have added more details and information. For example, you could explain the places you want to visit in Canada and the reasons behind it. Also, do not forget that the sentences of a paragraph must not be separated across different lines.

Best,

Nami

 

Have a trip

   

If had a ticket for going somewhere I prefer to go to Iraq for visiting the holy shrines. In these places I feel such a pleasure and calmness that I don`t feel in the other places. Walking around these places reminds me of those holy humans who used to walk on the same ground as I do. It makes me think about myself and about what I did in the past. It makes me remove my faults and mistakes. And it can be a start for being the a better person.      Sahar Parsa

My dear Sarah,

I hope your dream comes true. Very nice wording and narration! I found your details and supporting information relevant. It is one of the best paragraphs of this week. Congratulations! I hope to read more of you in our next blog post.

Best,

Nami    

 

roghaye ghanavati

in the name of god

Travel to country

 

If I  had a ticket for one week which country has attracted me for trip and why? Iam a consultant, so i do use it on a trip I perfer to travel to guinea (You mean New Guinea?).Not beacuse being a tourist centre or having good climate . I love to travel here beacuse on my arrival I found that there is no university .Then I was interested to know about the country that why hasnt university and I help them why there aren’t any universities in this country in order to help them. Yes, one week is to short a time for change but I think that I can help  them  mentally for this changement until they, themsleves try for it .Mybe,I dont know.

My dear Roghayeh,

It was informative. I really did not know that there aren’t any universities there. Nice job! Your paragraph contains useful information and details. It is good that you bring support for your topic. But there are also some problems. There were many misspellings. It is really important that your words be correct. Pay more attention to the spellings. Also, remember that the names of people and countries must begin with a capital letter.

Best,

Nami

 

 

 

elaheh karimi

In the name of god

Venice   : the water city 

I will travel to venice beacuse of the important music centers in Italy and there is concert perfomed  annually and minterested in concert (what? incomplete sentence)

I love venice beacuse it is an island and the boat traffic is handlet and the city beautiful(.)

My dear Elaheh,

Nice idea! I hope your dream comes true one day. There are many misspellings in this paragraph. In addition, you need to bring more details to support your view. It is too short. You still do not pay attention to the punctuation of your sentences. At the end of a sentence you need a full stop. Pay attention to these points in your next writing.

Best,

Nami

 

parisa Elahi

I love to go to Malaysia country because this country has people that follow of a few religion (???) but Islam is the official religion of this country. They hold various religious celebrations like us and it is very interesting for me.

Malaysia is a country for recreation and tourism .It has many places for recreation and tourism like big hotels and restaurants ,the local mall, big store , twin towers Betronas - the tallest twin towers in the world-, a bird park in the city of cwalalambor- the biggest bird park in the world-, a statue of a Buddha standing- the tallest statue standing in the world-, vast forests,…. (What are these? – or …)

The  muslims have stores and restaurant with halal logos,so you can be relaxed for eating foods.

I love all of this unique features in this country.

My dear Parisa,

You have nice narration. There are also good details and supports. But I do not understand why you have separated it into four parts. All of the sentences must be together in a paragraph. There are also a few misspellings. Check for them. Be more careful about the punctuation of your sentences. In some parts you have used “-“ or”…”. It is not right. At the end of your sentences you need “.”. I hope you take these points into consideration in your next writing.

Best,

Nami

کلنوش عباسی

in the name of God

If i had a ticket for one week i like would have liked to go to the Canada , because my uncle and his family are there , . moreover, Canada is developed city country in the world ranking and there are many exciting recreational facilities much & exciting . for example there are safe musement parks & water musement parks for fun .

 so i prefer to go to the Canada for many reasons.

Golnoosh abbasi

My dear Golnoosh,

Good idea! Some of the sentences have a good structure and nice wording. But there are some misspelled words. In addition, it seems that you still do not pay attention to the punctuation of your sentences. All of the sentences must begin with a capital letter. The details improve your writing. Take these points into consideration in your next writing.

Best,

Nami 

 

باقی زاده

In the name of god

   “The free traveling ticket for one week” This sentence is less romance (what do you mean by less romance?) but if it was real I think about more.

   For general travel around the worlds good and I like to go to many countries. For example I like to go to the European country like franc or Paris for to visit Disneyland! But not alone rather with my family! (I do not like to travel alone. I prefer to be with my family). But now if get to me a ticket (Farsi) in addition to one week off at university perhaps I go to yazd! Not for trip rather for going to home and meeting with my family specially my mother, because she is all my world that more beautiful from all beautiful thing in the world!

Aliyeh sadat baghizadeh

My dear Aliyeh,

I hope you can see your mum as soon as possible. About your paragraph, I might say that some of the sentences had a Farsi structure. It seems that your first think in Farsi and then translate it into English. Do not do that. English has a different sentence structure. In addition, pay attention to the spellings of the words. Remember that the names of places and people must be written in capital letter. I hope you consider these points in your next writing.

Best,

Nami

 

الناز نباتی

In the name of god

Subject :A place for travel with a free ticket

My choice is Karbala in Iraq. Because I wish that to be present in this holy place in Moharram. In addition, I receive good sense from going on a palgrimage. I did not choose a recreation place. Because I am tired  mentally (spiritually tired) and I think Karbala is a good place for my spirit. 

Elnaz Nabati

My dear Elnaz,

Why Karbala gives you satisfaction and spiritual relaxation? I think these are points you could have talked about to make your point clear for your reader. You need more details. Pay a special attention to the spelling of the words. There were a few misspelled words. Besides that, the overall structure was good and the sentences were nicely punctuated.

Best,

Nami

شریفه سلطانی

in the name of god

If i have a ticket I like to taravel to paris becuse ther are a lot of musiem and castel and ifel tower.

I like to take a photo under the ifel tower. I like too see loovr musiem becuse ther are a lot of old thing from world and i like to go shuping and by some perfum .

My dear Shrifeh,

Your paragraph is full of misspelled words. The dictation is as important as the grammar. If your reader does not understand you, s/he will not accept your viewpoint. I strongly recommend you to read and correct your writing before publishing them. It is really important.

Best,

Nami

 

sareh nayebi

I choose to go to Malaysia. this country is very good for studying. and their

 universities are in the good

 location for Muslim students.

Malaysia is an Islamic country. I feel to live in this esily (I think I can live easily in this country)

 Malasia ,s peopel (Malaysians) are have in different cultur as Iranian peopel but they adapt.

 toghether beacuse

 their religen is a same

My dear Sareh,

You have interesting ideas about Malaysia. However, the main problem is that your writing is full of misspelled words. At times, it makes it difficult to understand your point. In addition, your sentences are separated in different lines. As I have already mentioned, the sentences of a paragraph all come one after another. Please consider these points in your next writing.

Best,

Nami

 

reyhaneh khodaparast

 

If I wanted to go to the trip I chose the Italy. this country has lot of attraction and is courounded by Alp and aptin mountains and Aderbat(.) i see it has lot of church like santamaria and sunmarcos. If I travel to this country I would visit the medieval history and I could enjoy from many parks and seas and other nature of this country. in addition to these Rome is the thristian center and I would get many information about this religion.

My dear Reyhaneh,

You have selected a nice place to visit. You have also brought good reasons to support your view. But I think you could enrich your paragraphs with more details. In addition, there are misspellings which need to be corrected. Misspelled words are a serious problem in the writing. It seems that you still do not pay enough attention to the punctuation of your writing. Remember that the sentences must begin with a capital letter. I hope you take these points into consideration in your later writing.

Best,

Nami

معصومه جمالی

I just did not have a ticket. But if I have a ticket, I will to go to Japan . In Japan, there are cases in which our country is a dream. (Farsi, There are things in Japan which are dream for us). My first reason for choosing Japan first is social order in this country. In order to drive on sidewalks in public places is fun. (???) The next reason for my choice is that honest and hardworking people of Japan. Japan Nature is very beautiful and full of colors  and it has Beautiful places and great entertainment. Maybe I did not talk much to do with travel, but mentioned the necessity of having a well-know country

My dear Masoumeh,

Interesting! You have good reasons and the overall structure of the paragraph was good. But I think in some parts your sentences were more Farsi than English. Do not translate from Farsi. Also try to bring more details to support your viewpoint.

Best,

Nami

 

Motaharh Zare

In the name ofGod  

A mysterious country

All the story started in hot day .I was at home and my celphone range, when I answerd it a man said: are you miss Zare ?I said :yes what's happen, he said: I congratulate you(Farsi. In English: Congratulations!). you can recive a ticket from the draw of bank .(You won a ticket in our bank draw) I said: a ticket   !!! for what which country when ??He said: each any country you want to and for one week . At this time started my anxiety(Farsi)  ,Iwas too confused .The world has many country where am Igo (should I go) ? .At night my uncle came to our home he is one of the best travelers .I told the happening to him I described what happened and he suggested me to read the book of Cee nowhe.when Iread that bookیIdecided to go to a mysterious country that read about it in the book.

When I ented to got there that country I attention to Nile rever, It's too beautiful and I think it's one of the best thing that caus the country seemed beautiful .Then I saw Necropolis and sphinx Iwondered that how the people built this buitders in 26200 years befor chiristion era BC .Sure  they were built but by force of king .It's too exciting and at the same time pitiful. I saw the palace of RamessesII and in the museme I saw the statue of the king .Temple is the one of the best historical buitder in that country. After that I went to Tebs it's one of the historical city cities ,the conductor said Yosof Joseph governed here. I saw the temple of Abosombol there .I went to Alexandria sea port. it's the largest city of the country and it's the too beautifule. I take a picture there and I send it for you. I think you could  imagin where am I went .YES .I went to Egypt. and I suggest you to go there.

My dear Motahareh,

Very nice and creative! It was one of the best paragraphs I read this week because of the story. Excellent! Now let me talk about the problems. There were so many misspelled words. Now that you can write so nice, it is important to pay attention to the spellings of the words. In addition, some of your sentences had a Farsi structure. It seemed to me that you have translated your thoughts from Persian into English. Be careful about that. English sentences have a very different structure. They begin with a subject and the verb immediately follows. So please consider these points in your later writing.

Best,

Nami

 

zeynab daryanavard

If you won a ticket where do you want to go?

I like go to venice; the waterways’s city!!!This city has museums that I like to visit go to there because of their museums. one of them is the wax museum that art works are kept there in 10 halls .for example : The second hall is about 900 years of history . some of the statues are: Heinrich Himmler-Adolf Hitler .Thrid hall is about 800 years of Italian scholars and poets . some of statues are: Oscar Wild-Alfred Nobel

My dear Zeynab,

Good idea! Venice is a nice place to visit. The sentences had a well structure but the main problem still is that you do not begin your sentences with a capital letter. In addition, you need more details to support your main idea. You had expressed only one reason. You could have elaborated more on that.

Best,

Nami

 

samira aboli

IN  THE NAME OF GOD

Travel to INDIAS

?If I had a ticket for one week where I prefer to go

I perfer to go to india, India whit  various weather, a culture like Iranian, and kind people is a good place for travelling.

Further more, India has alot of religions. I appreciate the people that respect other people belives. For example non muslim people participate in muslims religious occasions that I haven't

seen it in other places I like to visit Taj Mahal(.)

My dear Samira,

Interesting place to visit! I hope your dream comes true. You have provided good reasons to support your idea. However, the main problem is that some of the words are misspelled. In addition, you must remember that the names of people, places, and cities begin with a capital letter. Another point relates to the sentences. Why have you separated your sentences? This is a paragraph you cannot do that. Pay attention to these points in your next writing.

Best,

Nami

 

zahra moznebi

I want to say if I have won a ticket where I want to go and why?

I chose Paris because of its beautiful scenery and spectacular location. One of them is the Eiffel Tower . I think it is one of the most beautiful master pieces of man human beings . Another place that I always loved to see is the Louvre museum. More than 35 thousand artworks are kept in the Louvre. There you can see some part of the culture of various countries and I think it is very interesting. Many paintings are kept in the Louvre too for example the works of Da Vinci. Even thinking about it makes me so excited.

It was a dream trip and I thank you for it.   (My pleasure ;))

My dear Zahra,

You paragraph is like yourself: neat, ordered, and to the point. I liked the structure and your attention to the punctuation patterns. All of the sentences correctly began with a capital letter and there was no misspelling. You had provided due reasons to support your viewpoint. For all of these reasons I might say that it was one the best paragraphs of this week. Well done my dear girl!

Hugs and kisses,

Nami

 

Yas .Rezaee

 In the name of Allah

When I had was sixteen years old, I watched world cup 2010 that national team of Spain  became champion in this competition in which Spain became the champion. I feel that player members of this team are look like to similar to the people of Iran became intrested them (I did not understand. Because they are like us, you like them? Or what?)!! At That time, I was in grade 3th from third grade of high school & wish when I go to university in Psycology major (Farsi) I go to Spain & Barcelon city Barcelona to study this major & became the psycologist of FC Barcelona!!! Publicize Islam & invite them to my religion (???)!!! Now ... When I think to about my dreams I laugh to at them.  But really I like (Farsi) I really like to travel to this country & this city & watch one competition of Barcelona & encourage & (too many and, and, and,..) shout : Barsa ... Barsa ... hey  hey ...

My dear Yas,

I hope your dreams come true one day ;) You had a strange but interesting wish. You have good supports and details. But the main problem is that there were many misspelled words and wrong word orders. I think sometimes you translate your thoughts from Farsi into English. This is not right. It makes your writing sound Farsi. Remember that English sentences begin with a subject and immediately after that comes the verb.

Best,

Nami

 

بلیت شگفت انگیز0شکوفه صارمی

IT,s need to serch for to find the best country that I wish to go.

I think this topic is very new and so interesting but it,s very hard too, because this situation is very unexpected. I love traveling and I think traveling is the best part of life. you can see the all of the peopel in travel when you are travelling, and you can also see the diferent customs and it,s very exciting. so if I be was in this situation maybe I would have gone to go to the AMAZOON, for for to see the animals, because I love them, and see the Jungel, because I hink this is very cloak and dagger. but if I can go to sky I perefer to go there ,because sky is a secret .so, in the end I go to any where that I go there on that time that I give this ticket.bay..

My dear Shokoufeh,

You have interesting ideas. But the main problem is that the paragraph is full of wrong and misspelled words. This is a serious problem in your writing. You must work on it. In addition, still many of your sentences do not begin with a capital letter. I hope you consider these problems in your next writing.

Best,

Nami

 

If I had a ticket

In the name of God                                                                                                      

Unfortunately, I don`t have that much information about countries, (in the writing do not degrade yourself. Never say I don’t know, I don’t have enough information. Because when you say that, your reader would ask: then why are you writing this paragraph when you don’t know anything about it?) but if I had a ticket that I could travel abroad with it, I would have liked to go to Saudi Arabia .Maybe it doesn`t have that much nature natural attraction to attract people but Mecca and Medina covers every lack (Farsi) and it can fulfill human being`s eysesight. In my opinion Mecca is the most beautiful place in the whole world. There,human is very close to God and can renew his or her promise with him. Medina is also a very beautiful city because of the prophet Mohammad`s mosqe. I would like to go there and talk to the prophet. It`s one of my biggest wishes. I hope one day it becomes true.                                                      Fatemeh sadat hosseini

My dear Fatemeh,

I hope so! The overall structure is good and acceptable. There are also relevant supports for your topic which turns the collection of the sentences into a paragraph. You have paid special attention to the punctuation patterns. This is also very good! There were some parts which sounded Farsi. Also I found a few misspellings. Watch out for that.

Best,

Nami